Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
