I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize