dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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