Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
