Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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