I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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