so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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