I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
