The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
