We named our party play list daddy issues
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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