i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
