He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
