Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
