New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
