I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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