Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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