Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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