The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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