now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
