I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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