Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
