i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
