ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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