I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
