okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
