You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
