I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
