I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
