DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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