I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
