New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
