i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
