I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
