I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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