sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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