I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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