what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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