we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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