I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
