You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
