I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
