Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
