Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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