dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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