I wish my penis had an off switch
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
