I could make wine with my vomit
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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