So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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