I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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