i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
