Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
