He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i've created a new STD.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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