It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
