it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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