Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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