I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need water and some morals
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
