She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
