she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
