Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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