I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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