Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
