I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
