but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
