At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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