She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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