no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
