Moan for me like Helen Keller
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
