we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
